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I was sitting there and he said to me, ‘Have you ever self-harmed?’ and I was like, ‘No, why would I ever do that?’ My partner, who was sat next to me, said, ‘Tony, you pulled all your teeth out with a screwdriver and pliers.’ In my head, I thought that wasn’t self-harming. I remember I went to see a psychiatrist when I was trying to get into rehab the first time. Listen, when we self-harm – I self-harmed every day by putting drink and drugs in my body. I used to self-harm and, with that, too, it was about taking small steps to stop doing it. Slowly, over time, you get that stuff back. When we’re in addiction and struggling with drink and drugs, it takes away our self-worth, our ambition. They’ll get you much further than trying to run the race. It’s about small steps, really small steps. But while you’re in that, you don’t see that, everyone else is the problem. Both of those things are you, it starts with you and it ends with you. While you’re in it, you never see where the problem starts and ends. I had to change my lifestyle completely for quite some time. To start off with, I had to change my circle of friends. But you never do, because the next day, you’ll wake up and start again. That’s when you think, I need to get help. When I had a drug, there was never a problem. When I had a drink, there was never a problem. I knew I had a problem every Tuesday morning when it all ran out whenever I couldn’t get a drink, I knew I had a problem. It was a way and means to get more of anything that I wanted. When did you realise you had a problem, and do you think being a DJ exacerbated the issue?ĭJing became an excuse to do what I did in the end. You’ve been very open about your struggles with addiction. I completely ruined my life for a long time with drink and drugs, and that’s because I didn’t listen, I chose not to listen. I struggled with addiction for 28 years – which is undermining it, it was far more than struggling.
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I’m certainly open for advice these days. I’m open for requests to a certain extent. I’ve learned with age that, being stubborn and stuck in one’s ways never gets you anywhere, it never moves you forward. My book is called I Don’t Take Requests for that very reason, because if you’d asked me to do something, tell me to do something, I never did it. There were so many times where, if I’d listened, I would have taken a different path. Off the back of that, what advice would you give to your younger self? I never got to the point where I had to say, “You know what, I’m gay.” I grew up on an estate in Battersea, and I never had to come out and say I was gay to anyone.
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How boring would that be? Who was the first person you came out to? Imagine what our lives would be if it was just ‘L’ and ‘G’. We need to show a bit more love for each other, and that starts with loving ourselves. Yet again, it’s always a small pocket of close-minded people that try to ruin it for everyone else. It’s like, hang on, why have we been fighting for 50 years for acceptance, for you to come along and try to do that? The last thing we need to be doing is fighting internally. They want the ‘B’ taken out now because they say that ‘bi’ shouldn’t exist within our pronouns. We have these groups who want the ‘T’ taken out of the LGBT. What progress would you like to see in, say, the next five years? Pride in London is celebrating its 50th anniversary, and great strides have been made since that monumental march.